MOST CURIOUS: A Rwandan Wedding

***THIS POST IS CURRENTLY UNDER CONSTRUCTION***

Last Saturday a coworker of mine, Agnes, got married. I attended the ceremony, and it was the first wedding I’ve been to in this country.

Typically a Rwandan Wedding has three ceremonies. All of which are very long, sometimes split between two days. The majority of this depends on the families wealth.

The first ceremony is the dowry. The family of the bride and groom gather at the house of the bride. The family of the groom must ask for the bride in a series of back and forth dialouges until the two families reach an agreement. The dowry is usually cows, cows are one of the best gifts to give people. They symbolize wealth and stability.

Unfortunately I did not witness this first hand. I wanted to, but my PCV budget did not allow it. It happened in a far away village, which cost 5,000 Frws to travel too. This is too much money. So I skipped the first ceremony and went to the church ceremony in Nygatare.

Warning: get ready for a bunch of photographs.

At the church, I sat amongst my coworkers for about an hour, waiting for the bride to arrive. The churches here look like bomb shelters, as described by my good friend Justin.

During Pre Service Training we were walking around the village and we happened upon the church my family went to. I pointed it out to him. He said, “Caitie, that is not a church, that looks like a bomb shelter.” I insisted that that was our church we’ve been going to every Sunday, I swear. His host parents were Muslim, so I don't think he realized churches here do indeed look like bomb shelters.

A typical church is a cement building, dirt floor, tin roof, and sometimes has windows. Sometimes the windows are boarded up with mud bricks so people cannot get in, other times there are glass windows with bars. There is no alter, they are Christian here but there are no religious symbols hanging around. They are dull and bland large spaces where many people can gather and pray.

So we sat awaiting the brides arrival. Suddenly, there was a lot of commotion and people were rushing to the door. The bride and groom arrived together (typical for Rwanda, unusual for America). And as they emerged out of the car people sing and chant for them. There is also a lot of photo taking, this goes on for about twenty minutes before they go inside and everyone proceeds to follow them.

The picture on the left shows the guests and my coworker, Kaytesi, singing and clapping for the Bride and Grooms arrival.

They arrive! Notice the bride has here head down (picture to the right). This is typical of a Rwandan wedding, and means Agnes was a perfect Rwandan bride. I’ve heard many reasons why women are not supposed to look happy on their wedding day. This is one of the many reasons: Rwandan women don’t separate from their families till they are married. Therefore it is rude and disrespectful too look happy because you are leaving your family behind. I know Agnes, she was very happy to get married, but played the part of a perfect Rwandan bride.

Here is the inside of the church. It is decorated with orange
and yellow fabric for the ceremony.

The ceremony was loooooooong. Everything in Rwanda is long. There was an hour of singing, then the priest gave a sermon. There was vows being said, and rings being placed, but no kiss. Also, they did all the legal paperwork in front of everyone. I thought that was funny and cute.

The whole thing was roughly four hours. Afterward we walked to a near by hotel for the reception. As I entered into the hotel I was horrified to see the reception space was set up the same as the church. No tables, just chairs facing the stage.

But where is the food?!? I hadn’t eaten since breakfast, and really thought I’d be getting some traditional Rwandan plates of food. Silly me. There was no food to be served. Only Fanta.

Fanta soda is extremely popular here. It is the cultural sign for friendship. Every time you visit someone they are supposed to present you with a Fanta as a sign of friendship and respect. I've drank more soda here than I have in my entire life. At the wedding there were many toasts with Fanta.

The reception is basically another wedding ceremony with a twist. They introduced the couple as man and wife. They proceed down the isle, Agnes looking somber with her head down. There were looooooong speeches made both by the groom’s father, and the brides father. And a lot a lot a lot of traditional Rwanda dancing.